You Suck at Parking Review (Xbox One)

STAFF REVIEW of You Suck at Parking (Xbox One)

Tuesday, September 27, 2022.
by Heather Webster

Have you ever seen a parallel parking stall on the other side of the street and thought I could drift into it? But then you remember you like your car and everything is expensive if you crash so you don't? Well, You Suck at Parking might be the solution for you, or just a frustrating game, I'll leave you to decide. The main goal is to race to the parking spots and stop in them within the time limit. The fewer the attempts the better the score.

This simple yet frustratingly challenging game is full of customizations in this ever-evolving parking simulator. Slam on your brakes, hit the E-brake, slide right into that parking spot, and do it within the time to unlock more design choices, mechanics and new cars. Play through more than 100 levels that only get harder as you play through one level to the next. One thing is for sure, in the first 30 minutes of playing You Suck at Parking, you will spin out and around, run out of gas, hit barriers and fall off a cliff before you fully understand what you need to do.

The gameplay is very simplistic in nature, however, very frustrating in its own right, because once you hit the brakes or come to a stop that's it, you are parked and a new car populates. There are burner walls that torch your car if you touch them, police that chase you, giant fans that blow you around and no promise to see all of them on every level.

With three vehicles to choose from, a car, truck or van, and the ability to choose from various colors and pattern designs, as well as different effects for your car such as the reaction for when you park, your boost trails and even the way you explode. However, there is a Parking Pass that works just like F1 22’s Podium Pass or Rocket League’s Rocket Pass that gives you cosmetic parts like bull horns for instance.

The design of the levels was a bit of a surprise because just when you think you’re in the swing of things, a police car or more starts to chase you, and if they catch you that's it. You may even get turned into an ice cube. With no reverse gears to fix something you accidentally did your options are to reset the level of your car when mistakes happen.

That’s the basics of the game, you can play online with your friends, you can play by yourself, and you can even try it for free if you're an Xbox Game Pass subscriber and find your own opinion. There are no real upgrades, but each level is really only a couple of minutes long, with the goal to be to locate the parking spaces and stop within, or just on, the lines. Finish within the time limit and ensure you have at least one tire in the stall and you're ready to go.

The parking pass has a payment option to up the chances of some potentially cooler designs for your vehicles but it is not necessary for completion. As you play through the challenges or online matches, this is your level progression and also unlocks items. You progress through levels that in turn unlock items to refresh the look of your vehicle. The long-term appeal of the Parking Pass is the online multiplayer.

Up to eight players in total can tackle some of the wackier level designs, across four rounds, with the aim of parking in all nine spots first. As frustrated as I became while playing, it hilariously reminds me of the mall parking lot on Boxing Day. Unlike the real world, however, you don’t get involved in road rage or have any of the physical problems of any real-life parking struggles.

Gameplay is smooth at 60 FPS and the track designs combined with the drivability of the cars are reminiscent of pole position, except you aren't racing to the finish, you are racing to park terribly. The soundtrack seems like they are trying to calm you down while getting you frustrated with the difficulty of the game. You may want to throw the controller but the calming music at least makes you second guess the poor choice.

Overall, I thought I was going to be more impressed with You Suck at Parking, but as I played it more I found myself feeling like I had done the same exact thing before in the previous dozen levels and that there was no real change in what was happening, just that it got more difficult to park.

**You Suck at Parking was provided by the publisher and reviewed on an Xbox Series S**

Overall: 5.0 / 10
Gameplay: 6.0 / 10
Visuals: 7.0 / 10
Sound: 5.0 / 10

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